I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
