News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
