If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
