I just pynch a tree in the face
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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