I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
