He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
