do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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