We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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