we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
