WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
