My friends, they love my intelligence
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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