I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
