I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
