in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A+ Viking dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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