Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
