there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
