I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
