I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
