Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
