My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
