You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dicks are not precious.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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