At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
