She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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