Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
