how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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