Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
