If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
