he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
