i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
