My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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