he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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