I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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