I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
