I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
