when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
