Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had to cum in my sink.
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