just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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