are you still at the devil's house?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
