So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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