You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
