I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
