Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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