Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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