I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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