you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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