the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
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Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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