Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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