Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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