Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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