Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
