I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
