I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So many bounce houses so little time
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im part way to drunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
