I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
barbara walters just said penis...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
