I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
