but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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