I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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