he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
